It was a slow Monday night. Girls were dangling from bar stools, smoking cigarettes, and rolling their eyes as guys sat on perv row tipping crumpled dollar bills. I was engaging in small talk with a 30-something from Wisconsin. Let’s call him Tyler. As I opened my glossed mouth to ask him for a dance, a tiny blonde suddenly walked toward the table and looked at him.
“Hey baby…” she said adjusting her mini cheerleading skirt. “Are you cheating on me?”
“Oh, uhh no? Just talking with Jessica. You two know each other?” Tyler asked.
“NO.” I said giving her the look of death.
“Well you should get a dance with both of us,” she said putting her hand on my head. “Two hot blondes..”
I pulled away so her hand fell to her side. I kept glaring.
“I know you are an ass man,” she said lifting up her skirt, “Look at my ass.”
I looked at her size 2 ass and laughed. “You consider THAT an ass? You have nothing on me sweetie,” I said lighting a cigarette. I said nothing more.
“Umm I’m ok for now, maybe later?” Tyler suggested.
“Ok..bye-eee,” she said and walked away.
I looked at Tyler. “I swear to God if that bitch ever pulls that shit again, I will fucking kill her,” I was enraged.
“I thought she was nice. Are you a little jealous?” he asked.
“No. It has nothing to do with jealously baby. Please. That bitch has nothing on me. It has everything to do with Stripper Etiquette.”
Stripper Etiquette is basically an unwritten rule book commonly known by strippers at most clubs across the country. Here are some of the basic rules dancers follow and if they cross the line, watch out. We can be cool chicks, but fuck with our money, and you may wind up with the fishes.
The Territory: If a dancer is sitting with a customer, that is her customer until she walks away. Under no circumstances can any other girl go over and sit with that man or try to hustle him. THIS IS CRUCIAL. The only exception is if the dancers are friends and even then, the friend must be invited into the conversation.
The Stage: Most clubs frown upon girls hustling guys who are sitting at the stage. Don’t do it. It’s rude to come try to get money out of a guy when he’s already giving it to another girl who is sweating her ass off in seven- inch heels. However, if a club does allow this to happen, a classy dancer will encourage the guys to tip the girls on stage while she’s sitting with them. If he’s easily giving the performer dollars, he will most likely buy some dances.
The Tag Team: This can get complicated. Some girls like to work in pairs, some don’t. Being fair is key. If two girls are with a guy and he gives them money, it should be split down the middle, period. It does not always happen this way. Some strippers get greedy and forget the importance of friendship or even good business. The stingy stripper may have an extra $300, but she will no longer have a partner in crime.
The Door: There are doors all over the club with girls going in and out of them constantly. If a dancer has etiquette, she will hold the door open for another girl that’s behind her. If she doesn’t, she’s basically saying, “Fuck you, bitch.” This is especially true when the girl with the door in her face is carrying a thirty-pound bag of stripper gear.
Simple rules. Easy to follow. Funny how many girls forget or simply don’t give a shit.